In the midst of the chaos of change, we went to the beach.
It was a spontaneous call and we were wildly unprepared. It was barely spring, the sun was setting and we had one towel between us. It was tempting to simply enjoy the changing sky and the chatter of locals in my relatively warm, definitively-dry attire. So tempting.
After many moments of deliberation, including multiple toe-checks of the water’s temperature, I was in. Queensland has failed to make me resilient to anything more than a light breeze, and this water was arctic by my standards. But it was glorious. The sky was pastel, the moon was high, and the crashing surf had given way to gentle rolls. Behind me on the shoreline, a pack of golden retrievers were bouncing their way through the sand (for those who know me, this wasn’t a fantastic dream of mine – this actually happened). In that moment, I was nourished in a new way. In that moment, I felt the goodness and steadiness of God wash over me anew. I could breathe deeper than I had in weeks. And as we ran back to the car, shaking and turning bluer by the minute, I felt ‘heart-full’.
In the midst of the chaos of change, often I’d rather stay safe and dry. I say things like, “I’m good right here” and stubbornly remain despite all that is on offer (the sky, the ocean, the DOGS!). I convince myself that there is little to gain from getting up and stepping into the water, and that my way is better.
But God is gently teaching me that, when I am willing to embrace the change, despite the fear, inconvenience and certain loss, there is so much to gain. When God arranges change and invites me into the deep, it might be uncomfortable, it might shock me with its difference. But when I embrace what God is up to, it is the fullest experience on offer. It is immersive, heart-nourishing, and abundant in blessings arranged just for me. In the midst of the chaos of change, God invites us into a brave new place that is uncomfortable and unknown, but where we can breathe deeper. In the midst of the chaos of change, God is constant, trustworthy and safe, it’s the only thing I’m sure of.
I’m reminded of a song I wrote years ago. May it be your prayer today.
These shallow waters I stand in for You
Much too dependent on things I can do,
But You call me deeper to the places I can’t stand
Out of control, I surrender all.
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